The Problem with Hogwarts
by Phosphorescent
Summary: …was that Rose Weasley had entirely too many family members there. Which made finding a corner in which to snog her secret boyfriend rather difficult.
1. Deception

_Disclaimer: In a world where JK Rowling does not exist, I might have written the Harry Potter books. (I rather doubt it, though.) This isn't that world.  
_

_A/N: This story is a prequel to "The Talk", but it can easily stand on its own.  
_

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**Chapter One: Deception**

_The problem with Hogwarts,_ Rose Weasley thought in frustration, _is that I have entirely too many family members here._

This had never bothered her before. In her earlier years she'd been glad to have so many familiar faces around. And even though she'd occasionally been irritated by their overprotectiveness, it had been nice knowing that there would always be someone to take her side.

Now, though…

"How many relatives do you _have_?" Scorpius asked in disbelief, as they ducked into yet another corner.

"Far too many," Rose said, panting for breath.

Sneaking around had been exciting… at first. Now it was just a pain in the arse.

"At Hogwarts? Let's see…" she said, counting names off on her fingers, "There's Dominque, Louis, Roxanne, Fred, Lucy, Molly, James, Al, Lily, Lysander, Lorcan – Hugo, of course –"

"Of course," Scorpius agreed solemnly.

"– Alice, Colin, Frankie, Thomas, Aunt Angelina, and Uncle Neville."

"Sweet _Merlin_," Scorpius breathed, "I always forget how prolific you Weasleys are."

"To be fair, they aren't all related to me by blood," Rose pointed out, knowing better than to take offence at his comment.

"They might as well be," Scorpius groused.

Yes, Rose Weasley had entirely too many family members at Hogwarts… and they'd all chosen today to patrol the corridors, or so it felt.

"Shite; duck!" Rose hissed upon spotting a head of distinctive Delacour hair. "Dom's coming in this direction."

With a quiet groan, she and Scorpius did their utmost to blend into the stone walls.

A minute later, it was safe again.

"Why don't we try the Room of Requirement?" Scorpius asked.

"It's worth a try," Rose agreed with little hope.

Carefully, they crept up to the seventh floor.

"Occupied?" Scorpius sputtered upon seeing the sign on the stone wall. "How the hell can it be _occupied_?"

"Take a guess," Rose muttered.

"Urgh," Scorpius said in return. "Thanks for the mental images."

Raising an eyebrow, Rose said virtuously, "That's all you and your dirty mind, Scorpius. _I _never suggested anything so sordid."

Smirking, Scorpius replied, "Neither did I. Guess I'm not the only one with a dirty mind."

"Fine, so the Room's out," Rose said, trying valiantly to hold back a Weasley blush. "What about the grounds?"

"It's _raining_, Rose," Scorpius said slowly.

"Which means that no one else will be out there," Rose returned.

"Yeah, but it's _raining_. And cold."

"Which is why we'll wear bundle up and use charms," Rose said placidly.

"No. There has to be somewhere else in the castle," Scorpius insisted. "Don't suppose you could nick your cousin's Cloak?"

"What, and add theft to my list of crimes?" Rose mock-gasped. "I like the way you think. Unfortunately, I don't know the Gryffindor password. Besides, James keeps that thing locked up tighter than a goblin's gold."

"There has to be a nice empty, dry, out-of-the-way classroom somewhere around here," Scorpius said stubbornly.

"Fine, you big baby," Rose said rolling her eyes. "We'll stay inside. But for your information, I know perfectly well why you don't want to go out today."

Scorpius looked at her questioningly and said, "Er… because it's the second great flood out there right now?"

"You're afraid that the rain will muss your precious _hair_," Rose scoffed. "You're as vain as a common fairy, you know that, right?"

"First of all, it's not vanity if it's justified," Scorpius said, absently patting his carefully 'windblown' locks. "Secondly, I'll have you know that even if I were somehow transfigured into a fairy, I would never be a _common_ one."

"And that's not vain at _all_," Rose muttered with tolerant amusement. "So, which floor should we try next?"

"Why not give the dungeons a go?" he suggested. "Maybe one of the extra potions brewing rooms? Almost none of your family ventures in there."

It was true. While Al was in Slytherin, he was nearly as dismal at Potions as his father had supposedly been; besides, he already knew about them. And the members of her family who _did_ like brewing potions were unlikely to do so there, especially on a Saturday afternoon.

"The dungeons it is," she agreed cheerfully.

Using their combined knowledge of Hogwarts' secret passages, they managed to sneak down to the dungeons without encountering a single Weasley relation.

"OK, I'll check the first ten rooms if you check the others," Rose whispered.

Scorpius nodded in agreement and they cautiously crept along the dungeon corridor, peeking into brewing room after brewing room. Numbers 1 – 4 were all occupied, but 7 – 16 were completely vacant.

Scorpius jerked his head in direction of 16's door and Rose grinned and gave him a thumbs-up of approval. Best to be as far from other people as possible.

No sooner had Rose eased shut the door to a deserted Brewing Room #16, then Scorpius muttered, "Finally! Peace and privac– mmph."

She had cut him off by immediately applying her lips to his. Privacy was difficult to come by at Hogwarts, after all, and this was particularly true if you were a Weasley; you had to take advantage of it whilst it was available.

Soon she was lost to the world, her arms linked around his neck and his hands firmly interlaced in her hair. Numb to everything but the frissons of pleasure coursing through her, Rose didn't hear the creaking of the door until it was too late.

"Rose?" a familiar voice said disbelievingly. "_Scorpius_?"

_Shite._


	2. Discovery

_Disclaimer: I still don't own _Harry Potter_._

_To the anonymous reviewers whom I can't personally thank via PM: Thank you for taking the time to review! I'm glad that you enjoyed the first chapter and hope that the second one doesn't disappoint.  
_

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**Chapter Two: Discovery**

Rapidly detaching herself from Scorpius, Rose smiled weakly and said, "Hi, Roxie. Didn't expect to see you in the dungeons."

"That," Roxanne snorted, looking between her and Scorpius, "is obvious."

Scorpius, looking a bit paler than usual but highly determined, said, "We aren't just messing around, you know. If your family wasn't so prejudiced, Rose would've told you lot yonks ago."

Naturally, Scorpius had decided that the best defence was to attack first.

"Excuse me?" Roxanne exclaimed. "How long has this –" she gestured between the two of them – "been going on?"

"Since this time last year," Rose said defiantly. "Got a problem with it?"

"Yeah, yeah I do," Roxanne said with some truculence. "Why couldn't you have waited till the beginning of this year, huh? You've just lost me 4 Galleons and 7 Sickles."

Rose stared at Roxanne blankly, brain refusing to process the words that she'd just heard.

"Oh honestly, and you're supposed to be smart," Roxanne huffed. "We all knew that this was coming, Rose."

"Mum and Dad too?" Rose half-squeaked.

"I don't know about Uncle Ron," Roxanne allowed, "but if your mum didn't suspect, then I'm a kneazle."

"Well, we always did wonder, what with your sense of smell and all," Rose joked feebly.

Roxanne ignored this attempt at lightening the mood, and Rose couldn't blame her.

"And what d'you mean we're prejudiced?" she asked, turning on Scorpius. "OK, Uncle Ron and Dad might've thrown a bit of a fit when they first learnt that you and Rosie were friends, but they've got loads better about it. Mind you, it's not like they had any choice between their wives and Uncle Harry, but they're semi-reasonable adults. Sure, they'll never really like your family – and can you blame them, after the War? – but they've accepted you. And if it's about the Slytherin thing, remember that _Al's_ in Slytherin and no one's lynched _him_. And what about _your_ family, huh? I 'spose they'll just be thrilled to learn that their precious only son is dating a Weasley, will they?"

Scorpius looked taken aback for a second under Roxanne's furious tirade. Then, visibly marshalling his nerve, he went on the counterattack.

"Mum and Dad won't be thrilled," he admitted, "but ever since Grandfather Lucius passed away, they've been positively progressive about most things. As long as I explain the situation to them, it'll be fine. And if it isn't… well, it's not up to them who I date. As for your family being prejudiced… maybe I overstated it a bit, but they _are_. How else do you explain the way that you lot treated Al when he was first sorted into Slytherin? Or the way that you first treated _me_ for that matter? The fact that you say you can 'look past' my family history to 'accept' me shows that you're not as broad-minded as you think you are."

He took a deep breath, pale cheeks unusually pink, and continued. "Look, I couldn't care less what people say about me, but I won't have Rose's name dragged through the mud. So you _won't_ tell anyone about this, understand?"

Roxanne stared at Scorpius in obvious surprise, mouth half open. Rose knew a bit how she felt; it wasn't like Scorpius to get so obviously angry.

Still, this was better than him going all offended Slytherin Pureblood on her; Roxie wouldn't have responded well to _that_ tactic at _all_. Bursts of temper were common in the Weasley family, so at least Roxie could respect and understand this.

Then Scorpius' last comment registered in her brain.

"Excuse me?" she said. "Scorpius, we've _talked_ about this. It's sweet that you want to protect me, but I don't need it. We're in this together."

"And I've told _you_ that I'm used to people saying nasty things about me behind my back. But the things that they'll say about you –" he broke off, a pained expression on his face.

"I'm the daughter of Ron Weasley and Hermione Granger," Rose explained yet again to her obtuse boyfriend. "I'm _Harry Potter_'s niece. Trust me, I'm used to people whispering behind my back. I'm a big girl; I can deal with it."

"You don't get it do you, Rose?" Scorpius said, stepping closer to her and shaking her shoulders lightly. His eyes were blazing. "I can deal with people talking shite about me. Maybe it's selfish and weak, but I can't deal with people badmouthing _you_, especially not when it's something that I can prevent."

Oh.

_Oh_.

Oh, _Scorpius_.

"So what are we going to do, then?" Rose pointed out. "Hide forever? Because you know I won't do that. Besides, think about it _logically_. If we wait to tell people until we're out of Hogwarts, things'll only be worse. At least we're legal minors right now, which means that there are certain limits the press has to adhere to." A hint of humour creeping into her voice, she added, "And the courts will try whoever kills us more harshly."

Scorpius shrugged awkwardly, shoulders stiff.

Roxie suddenly asked, "Do I get a vote?"

Rose started. She'd rather forgotten that her cousin was there.

"No!" both she and Scorpius snapped, then turned back to one another.

"Look," Rose said, "I wasn't ready to tell people either, you know. But the kneazle's out of the sack now that Roxie's found us. We might as well make the best of it, yeah? Besides, you have to admit that it's been a huge pain trying to keep this thing secret."

Scorpius' face showed that he reluctantly conceded her point.

"_Fine_," Scorpius muttered. "If we have to tell people, we might as well do it on our own terms; spin it as much to our advantage as possible."

Rose gave him a tentative smile and said, "My family will take it better if they hear it from us than from anyone else, and I'm guessing that your parents'll feel the same way."

Scorpius nodded.

"Sweet Merlin, you two are _such_ Slytherins," Roxie moaned. At Rose's glance, she added, "Oh, you know what I mean."

"Common sense," Scorpius sniffed, "is not solely the prerogative of Slytherins. Although I thank you for the compliment."

Both Rose and Roxie rolled their eyes.

"Tell you what," Rose said slowly. "We'll be going home for Christmas in a fortnight. Why don't we wait until a few days before we're due back at school to spring it on them. That way we won't spoil Christmas _and_ we'll get to escape if they don't take it well."

"Brilliant plan, Rosie," Roxie said cheerily. "Just one little problem…"

Rose raised an eyebrow in silent inquiry.

"I'm afraid that I can't keep this little thing of yours secret that long," Roxie continued with faux-reluctance.

Rose quickly went through blackmail options in her head, only to sigh when she realized that she didn't have anything current on her cousin.

"Fine. What do you want, Roxie?" Rose asked grudgingly.

"Rose! You can't put a price on family loyalty," Roxie said, eyes wide with fake innocence. "Besides, the entertainment that this'll provide far outweighs anything that either of you could offer me."

Rose exchanged a glance with Scorpius.

This was decidedly Not Good.

"Then what do you want from us?" Scorpius asked cautiously.

Roxie beamed and said, "Nothing! That's the beauty of it, don't you see."

Rose _did_ see, and all too well, unfortunately.

"OK, Roxie, you win," Rose said in a flat voice. "Go ahead and tell the family. See if I care. But leave, will you? You just interrupted a perfectly good snog."

Roxie raised an eyebrow and shrugged.

"No skin off my nose," she said, exiting the brewing room. "Have fun, you two! Whilst you still can, anyway…"

Her snickers faded into the distance as she walked away.

"We need to get to the Owlery," Scorpius said abruptly, as though reading her mind. "Now."

Rose nodded and the two of them set off at a dead run.

By the time they reached the Owlery, Rose was out of breath and her shins were bruised from her heavy rucksack banging against them. Scorpius was clutching his side and his hair was even messier than usual.

Rose immediately flipped open her rucksack and pulled out two sheets of parchment, a bottle of stoppered ink, and two quills.

"Here!" she gasped, thrusting one of the pieces of parchment and quills into Scorpius' hands. "Write."

He nodded, dipped his quill in the ink, and immediately began scratching away on the parchment.

Rose did the same, barely even taking the time to calculate the effect that her sentences would have on her parents.

_Dear Mum and Dad,_

_Dad, if you're reading this, give it to Mum. Now both of you sit down and take a few deep breaths. And don't panic; it isn't anything bad. Just… remember my (and Al's) friend, Scorpius? The one who half lives at our house during the holidays? Well, lately he and I have been growing closer and – oh, bugger this. We're dating. We've been dating for a year, in fact. He's a nice boy, as you both know perfectly well, I'm a responsible young witch, as you both know perfectly well, and I really like him. Just thought you'd want to know._

_Love,_

_Rose_

That'd do.

Rose gently blew on the ink to dry it, then folded the parchment into sections and addressed it to her parents.

"There!" Scorpius said, doing the same with his bit of parchment.

After handing the letters over to their respective owls, Rose and Scorpius watched said owls take off through the Owlery window.

Rose let out a sigh of relief.

"Well, we've done all we can for the moment," Scorpius said.

Rose nodded weakly.

Yes, they'd done all they could. Now it was just a matter of waiting.


	3. Consequences

_Disclaimer: I still don't own Harry Potter._

_A/N: This fic doesn't have a very conclusive ending; if you want one, I suggest checking out "The Talk," in which Ron and Scorpius 'chat' at the Annual Weasley Family Christmas party._

_To all of you who have read and reviewed, thanks! I hope that the final chapter doesn't disappoint._

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**Chapter Three: Consequences**

Early that evening, Rose received her reply.

It wasn't a Howler… that was a good sign.

With shaking fingers, she untied the letter from Archimedes' talons, opened it, and read:

_Dear Rose,_

_I have to admit, your letter came as a bit of a surprise. I'm disappointed that you felt you couldn't confide in us earlier, but believe it or not, I _do _remember what it's like to be a teenager. As you said, you are a responsible young woman; I trust your judgment. Also, I suspected that there was something going on between the two of you this summer, but your father refused to listen to me._

_Speaking of your father, Ron actually took the news remarkably well. He went red in the face when I read your letter out loud, but after a few deep breaths he managed to say – rather calmly at that – that he was happy for the two of you. I suspect that the fact that Scorpius is one of the few true Chudley Cannons fans that your father knows didn't hurt his suit. In fact, your father even went so far as to personally extend the annual Christmas party invitation to Scorpius for this year. If you ask me, that's either a sign of his growing maturity or a cause for suspicion._

_Congratulations on your relationship, dear, and I'll see you in a few weeks at Kings Cross._

_With Love From,_

_Mum_

_P.S. Now I know that Scorpius is a nice boy and that you are a responsible young woman, but I expect you both to be careful, do you hear me? Don't do anything you don't feel comfortable with, and remember to use protection. I've included a booklet containing instructions on the most comprehensive and up-to-date contraceptive charms_ _and potions. Read it thoroughly and practise them, please. You need to be able to all but do them in your sleep if you expect them to work when your brain is hazed with lust._

Rose blushed hotly from the roots of her hair to her chest, and promptly hid the booklet and letter in her rucksack.

Still, all things considered, she thought they'd got off pretty lightly.

At dinner that night, Rose tracked Scorpius down and told him about her parents' response. Well, some of it anyway. She had no desire to mention her mum's rather embarrassing postscript.

"How'd your parents take it?" she asked.

"Fairly well," Scorpius said. "Actually, I got the impression that Mum's tickled pink; she's always liked you, you know. Dad didn't sound thrilled, but he wasn't angry either. Frankly, I think he's just relieved that it was you and not Lily."

Rose grinned toothily and bent over her jacket potato.

"Oh, and it's the weirdest thing," Scorpius added after taking a swig of pumpkin juice. "I got my invitation to the annual Weasley Christmas Party early this year."

Rose's eyes widened.

_Shite._

"Oh Merlin," she moaned. "My Dad's going to _kill_ you…"

Scorpius frowned. "What d'you mean?" he asked. "I thought you said he took the news OK."

"Mum said he took the news _suspiciously_ well," Rose corrected. "Which is concerning, seeing as he's the one who sent you the early party invitation. Dad _never_ sends out the invitations; he hates paperwork of any sort."

Scorpius paled slightly.

"I'm writing my will before the holiday," he said simply.

"Good thinking," said Rose.


End file.
